eventful day today i can say.
woke up at 8am in the morning for home visit, to an old-aged home. i was so sleepy, while i was on the way there, i was still thinking "damnn, why must we do cip..." but i was so wrong to be complaining and grumbling, i feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. seriously. what i saw there really affected me. most of the elderly couldnt even eat by themselves. some are blind, some are deaf, some are dumb( dumb sounds so bad! i mean they couldnt talk). some had trouble swallowing, and some kept groaning. like they're groaning in pain. i dont know, i just felt a pain in my heart.
i talked to a few of them, the healthier ones. there's this old lady who's quite plump. she's very talkative, kept talking to me and engteck. actually not really talking to me cos i coudnt speak dialect, i was just sitting there listening and nodding. it was heart-warming to know that there are still healthy and happy people there. but actually, she was the only one i saw who was happy. talked to another lady who has very brittle bones. she's so skinny and her skin was so thin u could see all her veins. she told us about her past, about her being a canteen vendor in a school. i could communicate with her cos she spoke chinese!
the nurse was chatting with my ct and i overheard her telling her there's this elderly who was living there, she herself knew she was going to die, so she asked the nurse to call her children to come. but all her children came up with excuses. she waited, but none came, until she died, and still, no one came.i was like, really on the verge of tears. then wad i saw next really struck me- an old lady who was sitting on the wheelchair(she has no legs) was feeding another old lady who's deaf and coudnt talk. it really struck me. what have i been doing all these while?? i've never done anything good, i've never contributed to the society, i've never done my part to reach out for people who needs help. even an old lady who's cripple can do so much, just what was i doing all these while? where was i? i dont know. it just never occur to me to reach out to such people out there in my lifestyle. yea sometimes i'll pity those people they feature during nkf shows and i'll call the hotlines. but this is so not enough!
i'll try to do my part for such people whenever i have the chance. or perhaps, i should create such chances myself. i really do hope so.
lunched with abby, fion and my beloved ct after that. she was still waiting for her friend so we invited her to join us for lunch. i mean, it's basic cortesy to ask right? so she was sat facing me opposite the small table in mos burger. oh my it was so awkward. i dont hate her as much now, but.. i dont know, i cant seem to talk to her like i do to other teachers.
kenneth's party in the evening. went with my darling wanching. she's so funny i love chatting with her! we'll go out soon again okie my dearrr.

long entry huh.

i want to hold those memories dearly. i'm afraid of losing them.
so can the world stop spinning, can familiar places stop changing,
and will you replay those memories with me again.

sch ended at like 11.15 today. which is super duper early! compared to 5.15 on mon. was supposed to end at 2.45 with a 3hr break in between, but shifted gp lesson up since mrs ang wasnt here for bio tut today. anyway, watched super-sized me during gp. it's abt a guy eating mcdonald's 3 meals a day for 30days. it's gross. mcdonald's is disgusting. haha, hopefully i'll still think like this for the rest of my life and i'll never be tempted to eat those unhealthy stuffs every again. quite impossible though. or should i say, it's definitely impossible.

slacked at home for the whole day. watched tv, read mags, naps. i enjoyed it actually, havent done that for a long time. and i had a really sweet dream!(damn sister woke me up for dinner) ooohh..and i'm dreaming of u tonight, till tomorrow, i'll be holding u tight.. i'm mad. tgif! i love weekends.

finally the block tests are over. yes n i think i screwed it up. first time in my life i think that a maths paper is easier den chem. anyway, it's over, i shan't brood. enjoyed myself for the past 2 days though.

u know, life's ironic.
u are so sure u have something, but it never was meant to be yours.
u feel it near u, but actually, it's far away.
things that mean so much before, had became nothing.
nothing at all. yet, you dont have the power to take charge of it.
you are helpless. life's helpless.

5 more days to block test. somebody knock this into my head!!
i just cant settle down to study. how long is this going to last. and knowing that ppl are mugging like crazy makes me super duper insecure.
god let all the exams pass quickly and let me enjoy doing the things i like to do without constant worries and reminders about undone and un-studied work.
sometimes i wish i'm a nerd who enjoys studying. i used to do very well in sec2. (i was first in class!!!!) what happened to me. WHAT? why did i screw up my Os? and why am i letting myself screw up my As at this rate i'm going? man i just suddenly feel so ~!$#%@()*!!#.

once again, i'm lost.

wanted to watch hitch with ziyan yesterday but almost all the tickets were sold out. so we decided to watch closer and they were sold out too. argh. there's so many movies i wanna watch now. anyway we went meridien to play pool till around 9 and my cousin's boyfriend came to fetch me to celebrate my cousin's birthday at some bar in central square. and all their friends were older than me so they kept bullying me and making me drink. i ended with a hugeee headache and vomiting 4 times. man it feels horrible, i shall not drink like this again in the future, this time i really mean it.

2 weeks to block test. wake upp michelle.

study session with fion at orchard library today. okay, half of the time studying, 1/4 reading seventeens and 1/4 laughing at the guy who's sitting with us. he looks like pck's worker! the fatter 1. haha, it was so funny, he really look like him!! everytime he went away we'll assume he's going for his tau huay break. n the library is freezing cold.
saw a super disgusting guy at the train station today. firstly his hair is so yucky! it's shoulder length and he tied up the upper half into a bun, does he think he's yang guo or something? and the most irritating thing abt him is he abused his girlfriend la! they were quarrelling and he grabbed the girl's chin with so much force so the girl will be face to face with him. and he looked so so so fierce!! the girl was so small sized compare to him n he doesnt give a damn when she cried. oh my god. how come there's such ppl existing? i had to control the urge building inside me to step forward to slap him. haha.

dinner with the tennis ppl after training on fri. it was fun. imagine 12 of us into a neoprint machine. haha. the one the j2s took was much better, nice poses we had, haha.

school's half day today. actually not much difference anyway, i end quite early today. shd have half day ytd when i class end at 5.15 for me. these couples of weeks had been tiring, i'm still trying to catch up.. it sucks being a jc student.

watched shall we dance today. haha, amazing this movie is still showing yea? it seems so long ago already. anyway, i think it's a boring show, except towards the end. or maybe it's because i'm too tired that's y i fell asleep. right. i'm craving for ice cream.


quit playing games.

watched a moment to remember with ziyan yesterday. it's abt this girl who has alzheimer's disease and her husband coping with it, how deeply they are in love etc. ppl around me were crying, but ziyan n i were kinda laughing away. haha. i used to cry when watching such movies. but now i know, nah, there's no fairytale in this world. it seems fake to me.

school tmr, i told myself i'll work hard once cny hols r over. but i'm still here, still at page 8 of my carboxylic notes. there's chem test tmr. suck. i just cant settle down.

just now i carried a 15hr-old baby! my cute lil new born cousin. Little Keith.
haha ok i really wanna be a gynaecologist when i grow up.
it's time i study hard. REALLY. no more slacking around. havent passed any test since the beginning of this yr. i am so behind. i dont wanna be last in class.

cny was alright, same old routine every year. yea i'm not a lil kid anymore so cny is no big deal to me actually, only realised i am so old already. to say the truth, it kinda suck this yr. i ate too much. only the and paos are good. anyway, meeting ludi n mt tmr, hopefully it'll be a nice day yea.

tuesday. was a day with real confused n mixed feelings. oh man i havent felt like this for years. three years. at times i feel silly. but i cant help it alright. i am just tooo silly. HAHA.

this weekend was fun. and tiring at the same time. went to chinatown on friday night with et n co. haha i know we have nothing better to do. but this was the first time i went to chinatown during cny season. HAHA. nothing much to do there, just ate, squeezed, walk and took pictures.

yesterday was the most enjoyable night i actually had in months. bday surprise for hazel. all of us were there, and i simply love all my best friends. we could just talk and do so many stupid things together! imagine 4 of us cramming into a jacuzzi for 2 to chat. and all the rubbish talking at night when hazel kept yakkkking non stop. everything and everything, i love u darlings. start preparing n planning for my birthday now!

listening to a cd i burn at hazel's house. all the english sentimentals.. it brings back memories, somehow it makes me feel lonely, it makes my heart reaching out for u. but i'm not the weak childish immature and insecure girl i was anymore. at least, i think so.

it hurts
i'm tired.

send someone to love me
i need to rest in arms
keep me safe from harm and pouring rain.

give me endless summer
lord i fear the cold
feel i'm getting old before my time.

school has been so tiring.. lots of undone stuff for me to complete and i'm still lagging behind. i need to catch up!! but i'm so tired everyday i could hardly keep my eyes open once it reaches 11pm. i used to sleep at 12 or 1 am when i was in j1. is it really because of the heavy workload now or am i really growing old? haha. should have rested more during the weekends.. but still, i'm glad i spent the last weekend with magggg and hazieee. swensens and phototaking, primming in the toilet, sentimental music and alcohol in the bar and yes, the roof balcony. lovelove! and mag is finally 18! yeahh!! pls get ur driving license soon we can go for supper anytime we want remember?

tmr's finally thursday.